The Best "Dear John" Letter response ever

[MaJ]

A Marine stationed in Afghanistan recently received a "Dear John" letter
from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows

Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance
between us is just to great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice,
since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please
return the picture of me that I sent to you. Love, Becky.
The Marine, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots
they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts,
cousins etc. In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the
other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies.
There were 57 photos in that envelope....along with this note.

Dear Becky,
I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who you are. Please
take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.
Take Care,
Ricky.

[Hal]

that is so scum, yet so incrediby genius and not to mention, hillarious. it takes the dear john letter to a whole new creative level. i tend to like the standard form...ive printed off a few of these:

We thought this standardized form would help simplify the dating process and make it more business-like...

Dear _______________,

I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as "The Perfect Guy [ ] Girl [ ]". As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut.

I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening come available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition:

(Check those that apply)

___Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.
___Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion.
___The fact that our first dining experience to date has left MY wallet a little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter!
___Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality.
___You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.
___Your legs are skinnier than mine. If you can FIT into my pants, then you can't GET into my pants.
___You're too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up repeatedly at recess.
___You're too tall. I'm developing a chronic neck condition from trying to kiss you.
___You have a hairy back.
___I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.
___The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.
___The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation.
___Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star Trek uniforms a little disconcerting.
___Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.
___Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am seeking in a long term partner.
___Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should, however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit your application.
___Somehow I doubt those condoms that I found in your overnight bag were really necessary for a successful business trip.
___I am out of your league; set your sights lower next time.

Sincerely, _________________________________

[Beneh]

Hahaha. Quite ingenious actually. :D

[RavenKittie]

:shock: Hahah *RavenKittie copys and pastes*

[myrddin]

good one hal... :P

[Ho|E-fx-]

LMAO good one hal

[Hal]

nah, whats good is Ho|e's avatar....its digitally edited right? people like that cant really exist? :lol:

[ads0r]

But they doooo (http://www.mingers.com)

[Hal]

And how do you know that mirror-man *caugh* Administrator? ;)

[WirlWind]

thats piccy is from www.mingers.com they have some seriously ugly peeps on that page... :? gunna take me a week or so to get over it... :cry:

[JAAS]

That is just gold all the way. Must remember this one. Never know when it could come in handy.

[WirlWind]

some of the fakes look pretty good. so do the look alikes lol.the one that looks like austin powers is maaaaaadd

[Hal]

yeah, that dump letter comes in handy far more often than it should

[myrddin]

hal...u should know... :roll:

[zaitsev]

mwahahahaa

[myrddin]

there are those who offended life...they end up ugly...