AlCaTrAzz
12-11-2004, 09:32 AM
Q: What does a redneck say after sex?
A: Thanks Mom
Whats the difference between a dead dog on the street and a dead black person on the street?
Skid marks.
What do you say when you see a floating TV at night?
Drop it Nig@#&*
What 3 things can't you give a Nig**
1. a black eye
2. a fat lip
3. a job
An elderly woman walks into a supermarket , she's looking around and a worker there sees her and asks if she needs any help. She ask the man if they have any brocoli, he says no we are out of broccoli. So she continues shopping, a few minutes later she goes up to the same guy and asks him if they have any broccoli. He tells her "I just told you, we are out of brocolli" She says "ok" and continues shopping a few minutes later she returns to the same guy again and asks if they have any broccoli. At this time the worker is getting really annoyed and he gets the manager. The manager asks her "what is the matter?" and she asks him if they have any broccoli. He tells her "You seem like a smart woman, I am going to ask you a few questions. What do you get when you take the dog out of doghouse?" She replies "house" He tells her "good, now what do you get when you take bath out of bathroom" She replies "room". He says good, now what do you get when you take the . out of broccoli." she says" there ain't no . in broccoli" the manager responds "Thats what I've been trying to tell you there ain't no .ing broccoli.
What's the difference between a bath tub and a g-string?
They're both in the way.
How do you circumsise a redneck?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
What did Micheal Jackson say when he was released from jail?
I feel like a kid again
A rabbit goes into a butchers shop, and he asks the butcher
"got any carrots?"
"no theres a grocery next door, try there." replies the butcher.
The next day the rabbit goes into the butchers and asks him
"got any carrots?" to which the butcher replied
"no i havent got any carrots and if you .ing ask me again ill nail you up against the wall!"
the next day the rabbit once again walks into the butchers
"got any nails" he asked
"No" replied the butcher
there was a silence for a while and then the rabbit said
".....Got any carrots?"
1. You might be a redneck if your grandma goes to the bathroom and comes out yelling “Come look before I flush it!”
2. A redneck woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, "How many children do you have?"
"Ten," she replied.
"What are their names?" he asked.
"David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David and David," she answered.
"They're all named David?" he asked "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?"
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'David,' and they all come running in."
"And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?"
"I just say, 'David, come eat your dinner'," she answered.
"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked.
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"
and heres a stupid asian joke (btw i am not a racist i just found this rather funny.
An Asian man walked into the currency exchange in New York with 2000 Japanese yen and walked out with $72.
The following week, he walked in with 2000 yen, and was handed $66. He asked the teller why he got less money than the previous week.
The teller said, "Fluctuations."
The Asian man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned around and shouted, "Fluc you Amelicans, too!"
2.Q: What do you throw a Mexican man when he's drowning?
A: His wife and kids.
3.Q: What is the most positive thing in harlem?
A: HIV
4.Q: Why do Jewish girls like to . doggy style?
A: They can't stand to see somebody else have a good time.
5.Q: What's long, black and smelly?
A: An unemployment line.
6.Q: What's the difference between a British man and his girlfriend?
A: His girlfriend has a higher sperm count.
7.Q: Why is there so little Puerto Rican literature?
A: Because spray paint wasn't invented until 1949
8.Q. How do you know if a Chinese person robbs your house?
A. Your homework is done, your computer is upgraded, but two hours later, the .er is still trying to back out of your driveway.
9.Q: Why is it so hard for Mexican women to get pregnant?
A: Because as soon as the sperm enters the cell it tries to hang itself.
10.Q: Why do the Scottish wear kilts?
A: Because a sheep can hear a zipper from like a mile away.
11.Q: What did the little black boy say when he got diarrhea?
A: I'm melting!
12.Q: How do you know when a redneck has her period?
A: She's only wearing one sock
13.Q: How do you get 100 ethiopians into a phone box?
A: Throw a tin of beans in.
Q: How do you get them out?
A: Run past with a tin opener.
14.Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
A: One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with. The other is used to carry groceries.
15.Q: What's the useless skin around a vagina called?
A: The woman.
Lil' Johnny goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad
says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way. I'm the
breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Mommy is
the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the
Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call
you The People. The nanny, well, consider her The Working Class.
Your baby brother, we'll call him The Future. Now go think about
this and see if it makes sense."
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has
said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying and
runs to his room only to find that his diapers are very soiled.
So the little boy goes to his parents' room. Mom is sound
asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room.
Finding the door locked, he looks through the peephole and sees
his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to
bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I
think I understand what politics is now."
"Good son, tell me in your own words then what politics are."
The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the
Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are
being ignored and the Future is in deep ."
Two guys are camping in the woods. One day they decide to explore the forest. They go in opposite directions, return that night, and talk about what they did.
The first guy says, "I went north, and I cam across a lake that wasn't on the map. It was beautiful, there were fish and deer and it was just a great place. I had a picnic and enjoyed the scenery."
The second guys says, "That sounds great! I went south, I found a railroad and there was a woman tied to the tracks. I rescued her, and as a reward we had sex in every imaginable position."
The first guys says in amazement, "WOW! Even a blowjob?"
Second guy replies, "No, I couldn't find her head."
There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath. Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy.
"Can I touch it?"
"No way -- you already broke yours off!"
Johnny was kept after class because he was having problems with his math. The teacher though she could try to get through to him. She sits in front of hi mand holds up three fingers.
"Ok Johnny, there are 3 birds on a wire. If you shoot one bird," she says, lowering one finger, "How many are left?"
"None," Johnny replies.
"Ok... could you explain why?"
"Easy. If you shoot one bird, the others won't stick around."
"Oh, well that's funny. It's not the answer I was looking for but I like the way you think."
"Ok, it's my turn to ask a question. There are three women sitting at an ice cream bar. Each woman has an ice cream cone. one is licking, one is sucking, and one is biting off the top. Which si married."
Johhny had a very innocent look on his face. He seemed serious. The teacher started to blush and shyly replies, "The... one that's... sucking?"
"No silly, the one with the wedding ring, but I like the way you think"
ok what do you call two mexicans play basketbal?
juan on juan
A farmer was sitting on his porch one day when a young man
drives in and comes to the door.
"Sir, I was driving by and noticed you had a lot of milkweed
in your pasture. Would you mind if I went out and got some
milk?"
"You don't get milk from milkweed!" the farmer replied.
"Oh yes," said the young man, "I have a degree in Agriculture
from Texas A&M, I know all about it."
"Well, help yourself," said the farmer.
He soon saw the young man coming back to his car with two
buckets full of milk. The next day the farmer was again
sitting on his porch when the same young man drove up.
"Sir, yesterday when I was getting milk, I noticed you had
some honeysuckle in the fence row. I wondered if you would
mind if I got some honey?"
"You don't get honey from honeysuckle!" said the farmer.
Again the young man explained about his degree from A&M so
the farmer agreed to let him collect some honey. Soon the
young man came back to his car with two buckets full of
honey. The next day the same young man drove up to the
farmer's house.
"Sir, yesterday when I was getting the honey, I noticed you
had some pussy willow down by the creek."
The farmer said, "Let me get my shoes and I'll go with you..."
What's the difference between a Bike and a Nig***
When you put chains on your bike, it doesn't start singing.
A cannibal is sitting next to a pile of . crying.
His freind comes up to him and asks ''Why are you crying''?
The cannibal replys '' I just dumped my girlfreind ''
One day a bear is chasing a rabbit threw the woods when they stumble across a magic lamp. The rabbit rubs the lamp and a genie comes out.
The genie says "I will grant both of you three wishes"
The bear says "I wish all the bears in the forest next to this one were females."
The rabbit says "I wish I had a motorcycle"
The genie grants both wishes and says "two left."
The bear looks at the rabbit and wonders why he asked for such a stupid wish then says "I wish all the bears in the forest next to that one are female"
The rabbit says "I wish for a helmet"
The bear is astonished at how the rabbit is asking for such stupid things then says "I wish all the bears in the world (except for him) were female"
So the genie grants the bear his final wish and the rabbit his second wish.
Then the rabbit says "I WISH THE BEAR WAS GAY!"
he then strapped on his helmet, rode off on his motorcycle and the genie granted his final wish
.-----------------------------------------------------
A vampitre walks into a bar and asks for a cup of hot water.
The bartenter says "Wouldn't you like a cup of blood instead?"
The vampire takes out a used tampon and says "Nope, I'm having tea!"
-----------------------------------------------------
What does a redneck say just before he hurts himself?
"Watch this."
-----------------------------------------------------
These are racist jokes, I'm not racist, but these are funny:
-----------------------------------------------------
Whats the difference between a black man and a picnic table?
A picnic table can support a family.
-----------------------------------------------------
What's so bad about 2 Indians in a car going over a cliff?
Room for 3 more in the back.
A: Thanks Mom
Whats the difference between a dead dog on the street and a dead black person on the street?
Skid marks.
What do you say when you see a floating TV at night?
Drop it Nig@#&*
What 3 things can't you give a Nig**
1. a black eye
2. a fat lip
3. a job
An elderly woman walks into a supermarket , she's looking around and a worker there sees her and asks if she needs any help. She ask the man if they have any brocoli, he says no we are out of broccoli. So she continues shopping, a few minutes later she goes up to the same guy and asks him if they have any broccoli. He tells her "I just told you, we are out of brocolli" She says "ok" and continues shopping a few minutes later she returns to the same guy again and asks if they have any broccoli. At this time the worker is getting really annoyed and he gets the manager. The manager asks her "what is the matter?" and she asks him if they have any broccoli. He tells her "You seem like a smart woman, I am going to ask you a few questions. What do you get when you take the dog out of doghouse?" She replies "house" He tells her "good, now what do you get when you take bath out of bathroom" She replies "room". He says good, now what do you get when you take the . out of broccoli." she says" there ain't no . in broccoli" the manager responds "Thats what I've been trying to tell you there ain't no .ing broccoli.
What's the difference between a bath tub and a g-string?
They're both in the way.
How do you circumsise a redneck?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
What did Micheal Jackson say when he was released from jail?
I feel like a kid again
A rabbit goes into a butchers shop, and he asks the butcher
"got any carrots?"
"no theres a grocery next door, try there." replies the butcher.
The next day the rabbit goes into the butchers and asks him
"got any carrots?" to which the butcher replied
"no i havent got any carrots and if you .ing ask me again ill nail you up against the wall!"
the next day the rabbit once again walks into the butchers
"got any nails" he asked
"No" replied the butcher
there was a silence for a while and then the rabbit said
".....Got any carrots?"
1. You might be a redneck if your grandma goes to the bathroom and comes out yelling “Come look before I flush it!”
2. A redneck woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, "How many children do you have?"
"Ten," she replied.
"What are their names?" he asked.
"David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David and David," she answered.
"They're all named David?" he asked "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?"
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'David,' and they all come running in."
"And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?"
"I just say, 'David, come eat your dinner'," she answered.
"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked.
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"
and heres a stupid asian joke (btw i am not a racist i just found this rather funny.
An Asian man walked into the currency exchange in New York with 2000 Japanese yen and walked out with $72.
The following week, he walked in with 2000 yen, and was handed $66. He asked the teller why he got less money than the previous week.
The teller said, "Fluctuations."
The Asian man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned around and shouted, "Fluc you Amelicans, too!"
2.Q: What do you throw a Mexican man when he's drowning?
A: His wife and kids.
3.Q: What is the most positive thing in harlem?
A: HIV
4.Q: Why do Jewish girls like to . doggy style?
A: They can't stand to see somebody else have a good time.
5.Q: What's long, black and smelly?
A: An unemployment line.
6.Q: What's the difference between a British man and his girlfriend?
A: His girlfriend has a higher sperm count.
7.Q: Why is there so little Puerto Rican literature?
A: Because spray paint wasn't invented until 1949
8.Q. How do you know if a Chinese person robbs your house?
A. Your homework is done, your computer is upgraded, but two hours later, the .er is still trying to back out of your driveway.
9.Q: Why is it so hard for Mexican women to get pregnant?
A: Because as soon as the sperm enters the cell it tries to hang itself.
10.Q: Why do the Scottish wear kilts?
A: Because a sheep can hear a zipper from like a mile away.
11.Q: What did the little black boy say when he got diarrhea?
A: I'm melting!
12.Q: How do you know when a redneck has her period?
A: She's only wearing one sock
13.Q: How do you get 100 ethiopians into a phone box?
A: Throw a tin of beans in.
Q: How do you get them out?
A: Run past with a tin opener.
14.Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
A: One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with. The other is used to carry groceries.
15.Q: What's the useless skin around a vagina called?
A: The woman.
Lil' Johnny goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad
says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way. I'm the
breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Mommy is
the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the
Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call
you The People. The nanny, well, consider her The Working Class.
Your baby brother, we'll call him The Future. Now go think about
this and see if it makes sense."
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has
said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying and
runs to his room only to find that his diapers are very soiled.
So the little boy goes to his parents' room. Mom is sound
asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room.
Finding the door locked, he looks through the peephole and sees
his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to
bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I
think I understand what politics is now."
"Good son, tell me in your own words then what politics are."
The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the
Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are
being ignored and the Future is in deep ."
Two guys are camping in the woods. One day they decide to explore the forest. They go in opposite directions, return that night, and talk about what they did.
The first guy says, "I went north, and I cam across a lake that wasn't on the map. It was beautiful, there were fish and deer and it was just a great place. I had a picnic and enjoyed the scenery."
The second guys says, "That sounds great! I went south, I found a railroad and there was a woman tied to the tracks. I rescued her, and as a reward we had sex in every imaginable position."
The first guys says in amazement, "WOW! Even a blowjob?"
Second guy replies, "No, I couldn't find her head."
There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath. Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy.
"Can I touch it?"
"No way -- you already broke yours off!"
Johnny was kept after class because he was having problems with his math. The teacher though she could try to get through to him. She sits in front of hi mand holds up three fingers.
"Ok Johnny, there are 3 birds on a wire. If you shoot one bird," she says, lowering one finger, "How many are left?"
"None," Johnny replies.
"Ok... could you explain why?"
"Easy. If you shoot one bird, the others won't stick around."
"Oh, well that's funny. It's not the answer I was looking for but I like the way you think."
"Ok, it's my turn to ask a question. There are three women sitting at an ice cream bar. Each woman has an ice cream cone. one is licking, one is sucking, and one is biting off the top. Which si married."
Johhny had a very innocent look on his face. He seemed serious. The teacher started to blush and shyly replies, "The... one that's... sucking?"
"No silly, the one with the wedding ring, but I like the way you think"
ok what do you call two mexicans play basketbal?
juan on juan
A farmer was sitting on his porch one day when a young man
drives in and comes to the door.
"Sir, I was driving by and noticed you had a lot of milkweed
in your pasture. Would you mind if I went out and got some
milk?"
"You don't get milk from milkweed!" the farmer replied.
"Oh yes," said the young man, "I have a degree in Agriculture
from Texas A&M, I know all about it."
"Well, help yourself," said the farmer.
He soon saw the young man coming back to his car with two
buckets full of milk. The next day the farmer was again
sitting on his porch when the same young man drove up.
"Sir, yesterday when I was getting milk, I noticed you had
some honeysuckle in the fence row. I wondered if you would
mind if I got some honey?"
"You don't get honey from honeysuckle!" said the farmer.
Again the young man explained about his degree from A&M so
the farmer agreed to let him collect some honey. Soon the
young man came back to his car with two buckets full of
honey. The next day the same young man drove up to the
farmer's house.
"Sir, yesterday when I was getting the honey, I noticed you
had some pussy willow down by the creek."
The farmer said, "Let me get my shoes and I'll go with you..."
What's the difference between a Bike and a Nig***
When you put chains on your bike, it doesn't start singing.
A cannibal is sitting next to a pile of . crying.
His freind comes up to him and asks ''Why are you crying''?
The cannibal replys '' I just dumped my girlfreind ''
One day a bear is chasing a rabbit threw the woods when they stumble across a magic lamp. The rabbit rubs the lamp and a genie comes out.
The genie says "I will grant both of you three wishes"
The bear says "I wish all the bears in the forest next to this one were females."
The rabbit says "I wish I had a motorcycle"
The genie grants both wishes and says "two left."
The bear looks at the rabbit and wonders why he asked for such a stupid wish then says "I wish all the bears in the forest next to that one are female"
The rabbit says "I wish for a helmet"
The bear is astonished at how the rabbit is asking for such stupid things then says "I wish all the bears in the world (except for him) were female"
So the genie grants the bear his final wish and the rabbit his second wish.
Then the rabbit says "I WISH THE BEAR WAS GAY!"
he then strapped on his helmet, rode off on his motorcycle and the genie granted his final wish
.-----------------------------------------------------
A vampitre walks into a bar and asks for a cup of hot water.
The bartenter says "Wouldn't you like a cup of blood instead?"
The vampire takes out a used tampon and says "Nope, I'm having tea!"
-----------------------------------------------------
What does a redneck say just before he hurts himself?
"Watch this."
-----------------------------------------------------
These are racist jokes, I'm not racist, but these are funny:
-----------------------------------------------------
Whats the difference between a black man and a picnic table?
A picnic table can support a family.
-----------------------------------------------------
What's so bad about 2 Indians in a car going over a cliff?
Room for 3 more in the back.