View Full Version : disgusting/rude/disturbing jokes/puns/anythin gelse
WirlWind
20-08-2003, 09:59 PM
New kind of beer :Necrophelia:
Lay back and crack open a cold one!
lol ewwwwwwwwwww...
myrddin
20-08-2003, 11:36 PM
let 'er RIP...
Nothing like a stiff drink :lol:
WirlWind
21-08-2003, 11:52 AM
lol nice.punny.
ads0r
21-08-2003, 12:00 PM
I foresee a limited life span for this thread :P
WirlWind
21-08-2003, 12:03 PM
omg noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo :cry:
ads0r
21-08-2003, 12:06 PM
Try to keep the vulgarness to a minimum please :)
twide
21-08-2003, 01:42 PM
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."
Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he jerked off into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."
ads0r
21-08-2003, 01:51 PM
Nice twide,
Hope they are all that format, and as funnie :D
Here’s a small selection from the archives…. :?
Some of these jokes are raciest and offensive, the below jokes in no way represent my political or racial beliefs and should only be taken for what they are.
BAD TASTE JOKES :twisted:
A fag walks into his kitchen one morning and sees his partner jacking off into a paper bag.
"What are you doing?" he exclaims
"Im packing your lunch..."
Q. How does an aboriginal get into honest business?
A. Through the skylight.
Q. Whats green and melts in your mouth?
A. A lepers -
Q. Whats twenty foot long and smells like piss?
A. a conga line at an old folks home.
Q. Why do Scottish men wear kilts?
A. The sheep can hear zippers a mile off.
Q. What is the most popular yokel pickup line?
A. Nice Tooth!
Q. whats brown and often found in childrens underpants?
A. Michael Jacksons hand.
Q. How many babys does it take to paint a wall?
A. Depends on how hard you throw them.
Q. whats pink and sits on my porch?
A. My nigger, and I'll paint him whatever color I want!
Q. what would you call the Flintstones if they were black
A. Niggers
Q. what is one thing every feminist needs?
A. A man to smack some .ing sense into them
Q. Did you hear they are making an Oprah doll?
A. Ken and Barbie needed a maid.
Q. Why is halloween a pedophiles favourite holiday?
A. Free home delivery
Love: The delusion that one woman is different from another
Q. How is a woman like a toilet seat?
A. Without the hole, neither one is good for .
Q. How can you tell your at a gay amusement park?
A. They hand out gerbils at the tunnel of love
Q. What do you say to a feminist with no arms or legs?
A. Nice tits, bitch!
A personal favourite
Q. What is black and has 12 green tits?
A. A garbage bag behind a breast cancer clinic.
Q. Whats the difference between Princess Di and JonBenet?
A. One was killed by paparazzi, the other was killed by papa ramsay
Q. What did the fag do when he found out his boyfriend was a leper?
A. He . a -!
Q. Did you hear about the guy who figured out women?
A. He died laughing before he could tell anyone.
Q. How do you know your girlfriend masturbates during her period
A. You catch her red-handed.
Q. What is remembered most about John Denver?
A. He was a plane down-to-earth guy
/me removes face from the vomit bin and hits "Submit".
myrddin
22-08-2003, 06:20 PM
(nb:not my personal opinion, just...)
god made man 1st bcos he didnt want advice on how 2 do it better... :lol:
some times i wake up grumpy, sometimes i let her sleep...
Two families move from Pakistan to Australia. When they arrive, the fathers make each other a bet- in a year's time, whichever family has become more Australian will win.
A year later when they meet again, the first father says, "My son's playing footy, I had Vegemite for breakfast and I'm on my to way to pick up a slab for tonight. How about you, mate?"
The second father says, "Fcuk off you Paki c@nt."
Does no one else have a warped and twisted mind?
:wink:
There's a twist to this one!
A married man left work early one Friday afternoon. Instead of going home,
however, he spent the weekend (and his money)partying with the boys. When
he finally returned home on Sunday night, his wife really got on his case
and stayed on it. After a couple of hours of swearing and screaming, his
wife paused and pointed at him and made him an offer. "How would you like
it if you didn't see me for a couple of days??!?"..... The husband
couldn't believe his luck, so he looked up, smiled and said, "That would
suit me just fine!!"
Monday went by, and the man didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday
went by and he still didn't see her.
Come Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little
just out of the corner of his left eye.
Jimbo
02-09-2003, 04:17 PM
Nothing says digusting and disturbing like dead baby jokes but i dont want to go down as the guy who got this thread closed down cos i think everyone has a right to laugh at twisted disturbing things once in a while so if you want to hear them let me know.....
Can you talk the talk? can you walk the walk?
Lets see what you got.
Jimbo
02-09-2003, 04:47 PM
Alright here we go
Q: What's funnier than a dead baby?
A: A dead baby in a clown costume!
Q: What's funnier than a dead baby?
A: A dead baby sitting next to a kid with down syndrome.
Q: How do you know when a baby is a dead baby?
A: The dog plays with it more.
Q: What's more fun than feeling up a dead baby?
A: Feeling up a dead baby with three nipples
Q: How do you make a dead baby float?
A: Take your foot off of it's head.
Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
A: When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.
Q: Why are test tube babies the most beautiful ones?
A: Because they're hand made.
Q: What's brown and gurgles?
A: A baby in a casserole.
Q: What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds?
A: A baby with a punctured lung.
Q: What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
A: .ed.
Q: How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
A: Nail its other hand to the floor.
Q: What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
A: Art.
Q: What do you call a dead baby, a rat, 6 week old bread and a gherkin?
A: A B*g Mac.
Q: What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool?
A: Bob
Q: What's blue and thrashes about on the floor?
A: A baby playing in a plastic bag.
Q: How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole?
A: Stick a javelin through it's head.
Q: How many babies does it take to paint a house?
A: Depends how hard you throw them.
Q: What's purple, covered in pus and squeals?
A: A peeled baby in a bag of salt.
Q: What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A: A baby in a trash compactor.
Q: What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs laying in a ditch?
A: Phil.
Q: What's the difference between a Dead Baby and a tree?
A: One is legal to hit with an AX.
Q: What do you get when you have sex with a pregnant woman?
A: A baby with a black eye!
Q: How do you get 100 babies into a bucket?
A: With a blender!
Q: How do you get them out again?
A: With tortilla chips!!!
Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a tire?
A: Two, one to prop up the car and one to replace it incase it explodes.
Q: What's white and red and hangs from a telephone wire?
A: A baby shot through a snowblower.
Q: Why do you stick a baby in the blender feet first?
A: So you can see the expression on its face!
Q: What's more fun than strapping a baby to a clothesline and then spinning it around at 200km/h?
A: Stopping it with a shovel.
Q: What's blue and bloated and floating in your beer?
A: A dead baby with fetal alcohol syndrome!
Q: What is better than a dead baby?
A: The revoked child-support.
Q: What's red and goes round and round?
A: A baby in a garbage disposal.
Q: What's more fun than stapling babies to a wall?
A: Ripping them off again.
Q: Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork?
A: So you can tell which ones are still alive.
Q: How many dead babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil?
A: It depends on how hard you squeeze them.
Q: What's worse than a dead baby in a trashcan lid?
A: A trashcan lid in a dead baby.
Q: Why did the dead baby cross the road?
A: It was chained to a bumper
Q: How many dead babies can fit in a barrel?
A: 4 1/2.
Q: What is pink and red and sits in a corner?
A: A baby chewing on razor blades.
Q: What is green and sits in a corner?
A: The same baby, six weeks later.
Q: What's red, screams and goes around in circles?
A: A baby with its foot nailed to the floor.
Q: What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz?
A: Twins in an acid bath.
Q: What is red and creeps up your leg?
A: A homesick abortion.
Q: What's the difference between a watermelon and a dead baby?
A: A watermelon floats.
Q: What's red and lies in all four corners of the room?
A: A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.
Q: What does a blind, deaf, quadriplegic baby can get for Christmas ?
A: Cancer.
Q: How are babies and the elderly alike?
A: Both are fun to throw out of moving cars.
Q: What bounces up and down at 100mph?
A: A baby tied to the back of a truck.
Q: What's red and dances all around?
A: A baby on a barbecue
Q: What's worse than finding 7 dead babies in 1 trash can?
A: Finding 1 dead baby in 7 trash cans.
Q: What's white and bobs up and down in a baby's crib ?
A: A Pedophiles ass.
Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup?
A: A dead baby doesn't harm the atmosphere when you burn it.
Q: What's small, and shiny, and blue?
A: A baby with a plastic baggy over its head.
Q: What's small, and red, and full of holes?
A: A baby on a bed of nails.
Q: What do you call a baby on a stick?
A: A Kebabie.
Q: How do you get a baby out of a tree?
A: You give a Mexican a stick and tell him it's a piñata!
Q: What's the difference between a baby and a bagel?
A: You can put a bagel in the toaster. You have to put the baby in the oven.
Q: What do you call a 30week-old preemie?
A: An Appetizer.
Q: How do you prevent a baby from exploding in the microwave?
A: Poke holes in it with a coat hanger.
Q: What is red and pink and can't turn round in a corridor?
A: A baby with a javelin through its throat.
Q: Why do babies have a soft spot in their heads?
A: So you can pick them up five at a time
Q: What's got four wheels, smokes and squeals?
A: A bus load of babies on fire.
Q: What's grosser than ten dead babies nailed to a tree?
A: One dead baby nailed to ten trees.
Q: What's pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?
A: A baby with forks in its eyes.
Q: What wiggles spits and is covered in .?
A: An inside out baby!
Q: What's pink and chunky?
A: A baby with leprosy.
Q: What's red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding?
A: A baby in a microwave.
Q: Why is there always hot water at childbirth?
A: In case of a stillbirth, soup.
Q: What's grosser than gross?
A: A garbage can full of dead babies.
Q: What's grosser than that?
A: The one at the bottom is still alive.
Q: What's grosser than that?
A: He has to eat his way to freedom.
Q: What's grosser than that?
A: He goes back for more.
Q: What happens when you burn baby's face off?
A: It makes weird noises and crawls into walls.
Q: What has 4 legs and one arm?
A: A Doberman in a children's playground!
Q: What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night ?
A: Crib death.
Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: It was stapled to the chicken.
Q: How do you get a baby to run faster?
A: Chase it with the lawn mower.
Q: What do you get when you put a dead baby in a blender?
A: Hold on. I'll tell you in a second.
Q: What's pink and spits?
A: A baby in a frying pan.
Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and an onion.
A: You don't cry when you chop up a dead baby.
Q: What's the best sound in the world?
A: Hearing dead baby's hips crack under pressure!
Q: What's more fun than a barrel of dead babies?
A: Sticking pins in their eyes.
Q: What's blue and orange and lies at the bottom of a swimming pool?
A: A baby with slit floaties.
Q: How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: As many as it takes to climb on top of them in order to reach the socket.
Q: What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller?
A: A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler!
Q: What's blue and sits in the corner?
A: A baby in a baggie.
Q: What's sicker than driving over a baby?
A: Skidding.
Q: Why did the toddler drop it's lollipop?
A: It was hit by a truck.
Q: What's bright blue, pink, and sizzles?
A: A baby trying to breast feed from an electrical outlet.
In answer to your question JAAS yes i can talk the talk and walk the walk.
Till next time
Does no one else have a warped and twisted mind?
:wink:
oh hella yeah!
Two Arabs are sitting in the Gaza strip chatting over a pint of goats milk.
One pulls his wallet out and starts flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing.
"This is my oldest son. He's a martyr."
"Here's my second son. He's a martyr too!"
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Arab wistfully says, "They blow up so fast, don't they?"
What’s the last sound you hear before a pubic hair hits the ground?
Hmmmm (http://www.soundamerica.com/sounds/cartoons/Warner_Brothers_Cartoons/Miscellaneous/taz-spit.wav)
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