PHOENIX_12
29-08-2005, 09:37 AM
got this in an e-mail from a friend and it gave me a laugh
> Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
> Customer: "Ok."
> Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
> Customer: "No."
> Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
> Customer: "No."
> Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until
> this
> point?"
> Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
> (At
> this point I had to put the caller on hold to tell the rest of the
> tech
> support staff what had happened. I couldn't, however, stop from
> giggling
> when I got back to the call.)
> Tech Support: "Ok, did you type 'click' with the keyboard?"
> Customer: "I have done something dumb, right?"
>
>
>
>
>
> Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word." Tech
> Support:
> "Tell me what you've done."
> Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."
> Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
> Customer:
> "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'." Tech
> Support:
> "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
> Customer: "What?"
> Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
> Customer "No..."
>
>
>
>
>
> Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can
> you see
> the 'OK' button displayed?"
> Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
>
>
>
>
>
> Customer: "Uhh...I need help unpacking my new PC."
> Tech Support: "What exactly is the problem?"
> Customer: "I can't open the box."
> Tech Support: "Well, I'd remove the tape holding the box closed and
> go from
> there."
> Customer: "Uhhhh...ok, thanks...."
>
>
>
>
>
> Customer: "I'm having a problem installing your software. I've got a
> fairly
> old computer, and when I type 'INSTALL', all it says is 'Bad command
> or
> file name'."
> Tech Support: "Ok, check the directory of the A: drive-go to A:\ and
> type
> 'dir'."
> Customer reads off a list of file names, including 'INSTALL.EXE'.
> Tech Support: "All right, the correct file is there. Type 'INSTALL'
> again."
> Customer: "Ok." (pause) "Still says 'Bad command or file name'."
> Tech Support: "Hmmm. The file's there in the correct place-it can't
> help
> but do something. Are you sure you're typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and
> hitting the
> Enter key?"
> Customer: "Yes, let me try it again." (pause) "Nope, still 'Bad
> command or
> file name'."
> Tech Support: (now really confused) "Are you sure you're typing
> I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the key that says 'Enter'?"
> Customer: "Well, yeah. Although my 'N' key is stuck, so I'm using the
> 'M'
> key...does that matter?
>
>
>
>
>
> At our company we have asset numbers on the front of everything. They
> give
> the location, name, and everything else just by scanning the
> computer's
> asset barcode or using the number beneath the bars.
>
>
> Customer: "Hello. I can't get on the network."
> Tech Support: "Ok. Just read me your asset number so we can open an
> outage."
> Customer: "What is that?"
> Tech Support: "That little barcode on the front of your computer."
> Customer: "Ok. Big bar, little bar, big bar, big bar . . ."
>
>
>
>
>
> And the best for last!!!!
>
>
> Customer: "I got this problem. You people sent me this install disk
> and now
> my A: drive won't work."
> Tech Support: "Your A drive won't work?"
> Customer: "That's what I said. You sent me a bad disk, it got stuck
> in my
> drive, now it won't work at all."
> Tech Support: "Did it not install properly? What kind of error
> messages did
> you get?"
> Customer: "I didn't get any error message. The disk got stuck in the
> drive
> and wouldn't come out. So I got these pliers and tried to get it out.
> That
> didn't work either."
> Tech Support: "You did what sir?"
> Customer: "I got these pliers, and tried to get the disk out, but it
> wouldn't budge. I just ended up cracking the plastic stuff a bit."
> Tech Support: "I don't understand sir, did you push the eject
> button?"
> Customer: "No, so then I got a stick of butter and melted it and used
> a
> turkey baster and put the butter in the drive, around the disk, and
> that
> got it loose. Then I used the pliers and it came out fine. I can't
> believe
> you would send me a disk that was broke and defective."
> Tech Support: "Let me get this clear. You put melted butter in your
> A:
> drive and used pliers to pull the disk out?"
>
>
> At this point, I put the call on the speaker phone and motioned at
> the
> other techs to listen in.
>
>
> Tech Support: "Just so I am absolutely clear on this, can you repeat
> what
> you just said?"
> Customer: "I said I put butter in my A: drive to get your -py disk
> out,
> then I had to use pliers to pull it out."
> Tech Support: "Did you push that little button that was sticking out
> when
> the disk was in the drive, you know, the thing called the disk eject
> button?"
>
>
> Silence.
>
>
> Tech Support: "Sir?"
> Customer: "Yes."
> Tech Support: "Sir, did you push the eject button?"
> Customer: "No, but you people are going to fix my computer, or I am
> going
> to sue you for breaking my computer?"
> Tech Support: "Let me get this straight. You are going to sue our
> company
> because you put the disk in the A: drive, didn't follow the
> instructions we
> sent you, didn't actually seek professional advice, didn't consult
> your
> user's manual on how to use your computer properly, instead
> proceeding to
> pour butter into the drive and physically rip the disk out?"
>
>
> Customer: "Ummmm."
> Tech Support: "Do you really think you stand a chance, since we do
> record
> every call and have it on tape?"
> Customer: (now rather humbled) "But you're supposed to help!"
> Tech Support: "I am sorry sir, but there is nothing we can do for
> you. Have
> a nice day."
and i thought i used to get bad calls :P
> Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
> Customer: "Ok."
> Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
> Customer: "No."
> Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
> Customer: "No."
> Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until
> this
> point?"
> Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
> (At
> this point I had to put the caller on hold to tell the rest of the
> tech
> support staff what had happened. I couldn't, however, stop from
> giggling
> when I got back to the call.)
> Tech Support: "Ok, did you type 'click' with the keyboard?"
> Customer: "I have done something dumb, right?"
>
>
>
>
>
> Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word." Tech
> Support:
> "Tell me what you've done."
> Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."
> Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
> Customer:
> "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'." Tech
> Support:
> "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
> Customer: "What?"
> Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
> Customer "No..."
>
>
>
>
>
> Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can
> you see
> the 'OK' button displayed?"
> Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
>
>
>
>
>
> Customer: "Uhh...I need help unpacking my new PC."
> Tech Support: "What exactly is the problem?"
> Customer: "I can't open the box."
> Tech Support: "Well, I'd remove the tape holding the box closed and
> go from
> there."
> Customer: "Uhhhh...ok, thanks...."
>
>
>
>
>
> Customer: "I'm having a problem installing your software. I've got a
> fairly
> old computer, and when I type 'INSTALL', all it says is 'Bad command
> or
> file name'."
> Tech Support: "Ok, check the directory of the A: drive-go to A:\ and
> type
> 'dir'."
> Customer reads off a list of file names, including 'INSTALL.EXE'.
> Tech Support: "All right, the correct file is there. Type 'INSTALL'
> again."
> Customer: "Ok." (pause) "Still says 'Bad command or file name'."
> Tech Support: "Hmmm. The file's there in the correct place-it can't
> help
> but do something. Are you sure you're typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and
> hitting the
> Enter key?"
> Customer: "Yes, let me try it again." (pause) "Nope, still 'Bad
> command or
> file name'."
> Tech Support: (now really confused) "Are you sure you're typing
> I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the key that says 'Enter'?"
> Customer: "Well, yeah. Although my 'N' key is stuck, so I'm using the
> 'M'
> key...does that matter?
>
>
>
>
>
> At our company we have asset numbers on the front of everything. They
> give
> the location, name, and everything else just by scanning the
> computer's
> asset barcode or using the number beneath the bars.
>
>
> Customer: "Hello. I can't get on the network."
> Tech Support: "Ok. Just read me your asset number so we can open an
> outage."
> Customer: "What is that?"
> Tech Support: "That little barcode on the front of your computer."
> Customer: "Ok. Big bar, little bar, big bar, big bar . . ."
>
>
>
>
>
> And the best for last!!!!
>
>
> Customer: "I got this problem. You people sent me this install disk
> and now
> my A: drive won't work."
> Tech Support: "Your A drive won't work?"
> Customer: "That's what I said. You sent me a bad disk, it got stuck
> in my
> drive, now it won't work at all."
> Tech Support: "Did it not install properly? What kind of error
> messages did
> you get?"
> Customer: "I didn't get any error message. The disk got stuck in the
> drive
> and wouldn't come out. So I got these pliers and tried to get it out.
> That
> didn't work either."
> Tech Support: "You did what sir?"
> Customer: "I got these pliers, and tried to get the disk out, but it
> wouldn't budge. I just ended up cracking the plastic stuff a bit."
> Tech Support: "I don't understand sir, did you push the eject
> button?"
> Customer: "No, so then I got a stick of butter and melted it and used
> a
> turkey baster and put the butter in the drive, around the disk, and
> that
> got it loose. Then I used the pliers and it came out fine. I can't
> believe
> you would send me a disk that was broke and defective."
> Tech Support: "Let me get this clear. You put melted butter in your
> A:
> drive and used pliers to pull the disk out?"
>
>
> At this point, I put the call on the speaker phone and motioned at
> the
> other techs to listen in.
>
>
> Tech Support: "Just so I am absolutely clear on this, can you repeat
> what
> you just said?"
> Customer: "I said I put butter in my A: drive to get your -py disk
> out,
> then I had to use pliers to pull it out."
> Tech Support: "Did you push that little button that was sticking out
> when
> the disk was in the drive, you know, the thing called the disk eject
> button?"
>
>
> Silence.
>
>
> Tech Support: "Sir?"
> Customer: "Yes."
> Tech Support: "Sir, did you push the eject button?"
> Customer: "No, but you people are going to fix my computer, or I am
> going
> to sue you for breaking my computer?"
> Tech Support: "Let me get this straight. You are going to sue our
> company
> because you put the disk in the A: drive, didn't follow the
> instructions we
> sent you, didn't actually seek professional advice, didn't consult
> your
> user's manual on how to use your computer properly, instead
> proceeding to
> pour butter into the drive and physically rip the disk out?"
>
>
> Customer: "Ummmm."
> Tech Support: "Do you really think you stand a chance, since we do
> record
> every call and have it on tape?"
> Customer: (now rather humbled) "But you're supposed to help!"
> Tech Support: "I am sorry sir, but there is nothing we can do for
> you. Have
> a nice day."
and i thought i used to get bad calls :P