JAAS
17-11-2005, 02:01 PM
The truth about Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When the
director said he can't, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris,"
and roundhouse kicked him in the face.
If paper beats rock, and rock beats scissors, what beats all 3 at the
same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck
Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
On the 7th day, God rested.... Chuck Norris took over.
Biologically, Chuck Norris is his own step-father.
When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris
plays dead. When playing dead doesn't work, he plays zombie.
It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the force: the
light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the world's hardest
substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the
face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure that the scientists turned
into artificial Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris carries a man bag. If you call it a purse, he pulls a baby
out of the bag and throws it at you. The baby will blow up upon impact.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a
beard.
God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for
super strength roundhouse ability.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it
was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Supermacs.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
A ducks quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this
phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you grimly.
Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Jackie Chan in a game of chess. When
Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Chan in the side of
the face.
Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful; it can be seen from outer
space by the naked eye.
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
Chuck Norris can cut onions without crying.
Chuck Norris burned down an entire forest when he was experimenting with
water.
If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies just check the extinct
species list.
Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said,
"don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back
five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up
a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce.
When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to
the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake
before they could tell him there was a stripper in it
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling,
"Bang!"
In a recent interview, Chuck Norris told Entertainment Tonight that his
most memorable role was when he played the third breast on the hooker in
Total Recall.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.
If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who
would win? Chuck Norris
Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.
Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When the
director said he can't, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris,"
and roundhouse kicked him in the face.
If paper beats rock, and rock beats scissors, what beats all 3 at the
same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck
Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
On the 7th day, God rested.... Chuck Norris took over.
Biologically, Chuck Norris is his own step-father.
When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris
plays dead. When playing dead doesn't work, he plays zombie.
It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the force: the
light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the world's hardest
substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the
face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure that the scientists turned
into artificial Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris carries a man bag. If you call it a purse, he pulls a baby
out of the bag and throws it at you. The baby will blow up upon impact.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a
beard.
God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for
super strength roundhouse ability.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it
was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Supermacs.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
A ducks quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this
phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you grimly.
Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Jackie Chan in a game of chess. When
Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Chan in the side of
the face.
Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful; it can be seen from outer
space by the naked eye.
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
Chuck Norris can cut onions without crying.
Chuck Norris burned down an entire forest when he was experimenting with
water.
If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies just check the extinct
species list.
Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said,
"don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back
five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up
a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce.
When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to
the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake
before they could tell him there was a stripper in it
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling,
"Bang!"
In a recent interview, Chuck Norris told Entertainment Tonight that his
most memorable role was when he played the third breast on the hooker in
Total Recall.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.
If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who
would win? Chuck Norris
Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.